Hi guys, coming at you with yet more rants. This time, the subjects are Konami and a certain bimbo called Rachel Gray. So sit tight, get ready and enjoy. If you're not interested, you can fuck off :)
Right, so I'm gonna kick things off with Konami. I recently ranted about EA copying and pasting the previous year's version of FIFA on Wii and PS Vita this year, but it seems that Konami has done the same thing. Konami has copied and pasted PES 12 and labelled it as PES 13. Ok, pretty much every negative thing I said about EA in my last blog post goes to you, Konami. Granted, there are some minor changes, like different background images and a RRP of £15, but that doesn't mask the fact that you are a bunch of lazy dumbfucks. Which also raises the question of why this game was delayed by 2 months (?). Y' know, you could've worked on a Wii U version and released it in time for launch instead. I'm so fed up with this bullshit and the attitude that "because it's on the Wii, we have an excuse to half-ass games".
*sigh* But that's not the major topic of today. This is a response to Rachel Gray's article "The Wii U Gamepad is a Leapfrog Leapster". I mean, WHY is it SO HARD for journalists to just do a little research before they make their points? I'm gonna do an EA & Konami and paste the entire article here. I'm not gonna give the link so she can get more hits on the site, but search for it if you really want.
On Nov. 18 Nintendo will be releasing their latest (and supposedly greatest) console yet: the Wii U, or as I like to call it: “The Less Colorful Leapfrog Leapster” (Google that). Nintendo is depending on the Wii U to achieve multiple goals upon its release. Some objectives include (but are not limited to): expand the Wii U audience to include both casual and hardcore gamers, introduce innovative designs with the Wii U Gamepad, and reclaim Nintendo’s title as a serious competitor among rival consoles like the Xbox 360 and PS3. If these are among the aspirations of Nintendo then I do not understand why the Wii U exists. Not only will the Wii U fall short in achieving these goals but the Wii U will embarrass Nintendo in the process. Here are five speculations for how The Less Colorful Leapfrog Leapster could disappoint consumers, further alienate non-casual players, and ultimately fail.
Disclaimer: this article may enrage some Nintendo fans.
Editor’s Note: Good.
1. Wii U Gamepad
My initial reaction to the unveiling of the Wii U Gamepad was “lol what the hell.” The Wii U Gamepad is a giant, blocky, impractical touchscreen tablet designed to enhance the quality of gameplay. No, no, I definitely described that correctly. It is a big, bulky, ugly, uncomfortable looking device that comes with a cluster—- of capabilities. It has a microphone, it has a camera, it can act as a television remote, and you can play your game on the pad instead of the television so your girlfriend can watch Steel Magnolias for the fiftieth time. Wow, great, fantastic, totally unnecessary! Not only do I sense a litany of glitches coming on but these abilities seem pointless. If you’re satisfied with transferring your
Assassin’s Creed 3 game from your 72” plasma television to your tiny Wii U Gamepad, okay–to each his own. But I’m not okay with that and would much rather put my Wii U money towards a second television.
Some of the Gamepad capabilities might sound neat but they seem senseless and discouraging for many hardcore gamers, the new target audience for Nintendo. For a gamer like myself, I find little redeeming quality in the pad. It does not contour to my palms well, it looks stupid, it requires me to sometimes shift my eyes from the television to a smaller screen, and it has a reported battery life of 3 to 5 hours. 3 to 5 hours? Are you kidding me? It takes me three hours just to customize my character’s class. However, I feel as though Nintendo knew their Wii U Gamepad was ridiculous because they created the Wii U Pro Controller, otherwise known as the “XBox 360 controller with a reversed right analog stick and buttons to make your life confusing and hard.” Nintendo knew the Wii U Gamepad would not attract more dedicated gamers and decided to bust out the kissing cousin of Microsoft’s controller. Whatever. That’s fine except I already own a controller just like the Wii’s Pro Controller. There really is no reason for me to replace what I already have with what I already have. Simply put, the signature debut for the Wiifranchise is the Wii U Gamepad and it is a weak, unattractive addition.
2. Miiverse
Miiverse is what you see when you first turn on your Wii U. A bunch of little bobble heads come scurrying about harshing your mellow and getting up into your business in what looks like purgatory for Mii people. Seriously, Miiverse is just this enormous white space with a ton of trapped Mii souls inside of it. Miiverse will consist of your Mii, your Mii friends, Miis on your Wii U system, and Miis who speak your language/are from your country. You can communicate with these Miis through text messages or drawing big boobs with your Gamepad stylist. Just don’t expect your explicit messages or poorly drawn penises to get through because Nintendo plans to moderate all communications and probably block your grade-A art. Due to this issue, it has been anticipated that text messaging to other Miis can take up to half an hour. That’s 30 minutes you could spend just logging onto Xbox Live and immediately sending out 30 degrading voice messages about some dude’s sister.
In an E3 Miiverse demo Nintendo tried to claim that the gamepad was great for communications because you could more easily read the text messages. What? My television is humongous. Why would it be any easier to read on a tiny screen compared to my monster of an entertainment system? Nintendo also claimed I could more strongly convey my feelings through handwritten messages. Right, because nothing says “I just beat your a– in Wii bowling, idiot” quite like a personalized smiley face. In the demo a heartfelt message about Mother’s Day is drawn out. Hey, Nintendo, that’s Hallmark’s job. If I wanted to send my mom a card about how much I love her and how I need to borrow some money from her, I’d just use them. In summary, Miiverse seems child-like, silly, and certainly doesn’t appeal to gaming afficionados. Until my Mii can have a fiery battleaxe and blow up the homes of other Mii’s with all of their assets inside, I don’t care about Miiverse and I don’t understand why it’s a major selling point.
3. Games
You buy a Wii U to play games. The Wii U only offers games that have already been released on seemingly more superior consoles or the Wii U is not guaranteeing a long-term, progressive library of award winning games you’ll want to play. This is probably what will happen if you purchase a Wii U. It’s true that
CoD: Black Ops 2, Assassin’s Creed 3, Mass Effect 3, and a few other big titles will be available on the Wii U. However, considering how the Wii U will most likely disengage the serious player you can anticipate more Epic Mickey, dancing, fishing, and Wii sports games. I’m not discrediting or insulting these games! It’s just important to remember that your
BioShock Infinite won’t be available on your $400 Wii U. Why buy a console that doesn’t support your most coveted games?
4. Cost
The Wii U is too expensive for what it offers. An 8GB Wii U console begins at $299.99 while the 32GB begins at $349.99. I just went to Best Buy’s website and found a Xbox 360 250GB model complete with a headset, two games (including
Skyrim), a controller, and a 50% off three month Xbox Live Card for $249.99 on sale (originally $299.99). A PS3 320GB with a
Madden game and controller? $299.99. Want to preorder the Wii U 8GB basic console set with no game? $299.99. A 32GB Wii U with a game that doesn’t offer online multiplayer? $349.99. I mean, come on. I don’t even know what to do with this information other than stare at it with my mouth open.
5. Advertising and Appearance
This has been a reoccurring theme throughout the article but I still think it’s an important factor in the success/failure of Wii U. If Nintendo wants to attract a more mature, more committed, hardcore audience they’re going to need to design with that demographic in mind. The Wii U Gamepad, the Mii people, the games available, the look and feel of the Wii U all scream “this is not to be taken seriously.” The Wii came off as adolescent and intended for very young or casual players. If I were to compare, head-to-head, the Xbox 360 and the Wii U I would have two distinct descriptions for each console: the 360 is for when I want to be an adult and decimate competitors. The Wii U is when I want to doodle some flowers and get some virtual yoga instruction. These descriptions are products of the designs and functions of each console.
The overarching problem with the Wii U is there is no compelling reason to spend money on it. It doesn’t offer anything so innovative or desirable that you would abandon Microsoft or Sony and the games you love to play. The Wii U will follow in the small footsteps of its predecessor and continue to cater to casual gamers and your grandparents who you foolishly bought a Wii for two Christmases ago. Although the Wii U may sell well among this demographic, Nintendo will further fade away in comparison to Microsoft and Sony and the Wii U will continue to tarnish their reputation with the hardcore gaming crowd.
Let's get crackalackin'.
On Nov. 18 Nintendo will be releasing their latest (and supposedly greatest) console yet: the Wii U, or as I like to call it: “The Less Colorful Leapfrog Leapster” (Google that).
Ok, so she's already downplaying Wii U's chances of because the most successful Nintendo console ever. That's fine, But I have the firm belief that this will be the greatest Nintendo console ever, without trying to sound like a fanboy. Also, I guess she fails to see that the Leapfrog Leapster looks like an oversized Game Boy Advance with a touchscreen.
Some objectives include (but are not limited to): expand the Wii U audience to include both casual and hardcore gamers, introduce innovative designs with the Wii U Gamepad, and reclaim Nintendo’s title as a serious competitor among rival consoles like the Xbox 360 and PS3. If these are among the aspirations of Nintendo then I do not understand why the Wii U exists. Not only will the Wii U fall short in achieving these goals but the Wii U will embarrass Nintendo in the process.
What does she mean by "serious competitor"? Which company gained an automatic profit from the Wii while Sony and Microsoft took years to get theirs from the PS3 and 360? Which company has been the market leader this entire generation? Which company's success inspired Sony and Microsoft to use motion control for their games?
Disclaimer: this article may enrage some Nintendo fans.
Editor’s Note: Good.
So this doesn't already show bias against Nintendo (!). Also, what makes you think Nintendo fans'll be enraged? Anybody could be enraged by your ignorance irrespective of the console or company they favour, or whether they play video games or not.
The Wii U Gamepad is a giant, blocky, impractical touchscreen tablet designed to enhance the quality of gameplay. No, no, I definitely described that correctly. It is a big, bulky, ugly, uncomfortable looking device that comes with a cluster—- of capabilities. It has a microphone, it has a camera, it can act as a television remote, and you can play your game on the pad instead of the television so your girlfriend can watch Steel Magnolias for the fiftieth time. Wow, great, fantastic, totally unnecessary!
If you actually research what people are saying about the controller, it's actually comfortable and light. And doesn't the iPhone/iPad have a microphone, a camera and can act as a television remote? Are those features "totally unnecessary"? And why would you not want to continue your game on the controller when somebody else eant to use the TV? That's genius!
Not only do I sense a litany of glitches coming on but these abilities seem pointless. If you’re satisfied with transferring your Assassin’s Creed 3 game from your 72” plasma television to your tiny Wii U Gamepad, okay–to each his own. But I’m not okay with that and would much rather put my Wii U money towards a second television.
Again, do some research. Developers have stated that the GamePad/console stream is very smooth, and the delay is hardly noticeable. And looking at gameplay experiences, nobody's reported any glitches. And the Wii U GamePad is tiny? The screen is 6.2 inches. The Vita screen is 5 inches, and the 3DS top and lower screens are 3.53 inches and 3.02 inches respectively (3DS XL screens are 4.88 and 4.18). So effectively, what you're saying is that normal gaming handheld shouldn't run games because their screens are too small. Do I even have to go into the stupidity of that?
It does not contour to my palms well, it looks stupid, it requires me to sometimes shift my eyes from the television to a smaller screen, and it has a reported battery life of 3 to 5 hours. 3 to 5 hours? Are you kidding me? It takes me three hours just to customize my character’s class. However, I feel as though Nintendo knew their Wii U Gamepad was ridiculous because they created the Wii U Pro Controller, otherwise known as the “XBox 360 controller with a reversed right analog stick and buttons to make your life confusing and hard.” Nintendo knew the Wii U Gamepad would not attract more dedicated gamers and decided to bust out the kissing cousin of Microsoft’s controller. Whatever. That’s fine except I already own a controller just like the Wii’s Pro Controller. There really is no reason for me to replace what I already have with what I already have. Simply put, the signature debut for the Wiifranchise is the Wii U Gamepad and it is a weak, unattractive addition.
If it doesn't contour to your palms well and if it looks stupid, that's your problem. And since when is shifting your eyes to different screens a bad thing? Have you never used a laptop or a phone while watching TV, or all at once like I'm doing right now, for example? C'mon, I thought women were supposed to be fantastic at multitasking! And yes, one might find the battery life to be inconvenient for them. BUT, have you considered what is in the controller? You've got the screen, microphone, speakers, gyroscope, camera and other functions. How long did you think it would last? And if they knew it'd be ridiculous, I doubt they'd have pushed it. I see you also neglected to mention that the Wii U Pro Controller has a battery life of up to 80 hours?! You could customize your character's class 26 times and still have juice left over. Oh, and, er, isn't the button layout of the 360 controller pretty much the same as the Gamecube controller? So they actually reversed the Gamecube right analogue stick and buttons. And since when when was owning a similar controller a bad thing? Isn't the PlayStation controller button layout like the SNES's? If there's no reason to replace what you have with what you have, then one could argue there's not much incentive to buy upgrades of your consoles. And just wait till Sony and Microsoft come out with controllers similar to the GamePad, Then you'll be all over them, licking their assholes and proclaiming how great and game-changing they are. The GamePad doubles as a TV remote too - how is that not cool to you?
Just don’t expect your explicit messages or poorly drawn penises to get through because Nintendo plans to moderate all communications and probably block your grade-A art. Due to this issue, it has been anticipated that text messaging to other Miis can take up to half an hour. That’s 30 minutes you could spend just logging onto Xbox Live and immediately sending out 30 degrading voice messages about some dude’s sister.
Why is this a bad thing? Would you want people sending your little kids crude images like that?
The Wii U only offers games that have already been released on seemingly more superior consoles or the Wii U is not guaranteeing a long-term, progressive library of award winning games you’ll want to play. This is probably what will happen if you purchase a Wii U.
How is the PS3 and 360 superior to the Wii U? It's a next-gen system, and there's no way they can handle what Wii U can do, the streaming to the controller being an obvious example. Not to mention the services it offers such as Hulu, Netflix and YouTube in addition to Nintendo TVii! Use some fucking common sense, woman! The sooner you get this through your thick skull, the better. And yes, the Wii U will be receiving games already released on older consoles. But tell me this: What console launch does NOT have ports? In addition, those games are going to include numerous improvements and bug fixes AND free DLC that'll enhance the gameplay tremendously. And no console guarantees a long-term library of award winning games. Aside from the 1st-parties, It's up to the 3rd-party developers whether they want to support the system. And you also seem to be forgetting how well Nintendo's 1st-party titles are received, so I've no doubt this'll be the case Wii U.
It’s true that CoD: Black Ops 2, Assassin’s Creed 3, Mass Effect 3, and a few other big titles will be available on the Wii U. However, considering how the Wii U will most likely disengage the serious player you can anticipate more Epic Mickey, dancing, fishing, and Wii sports games. I’m not discrediting or insulting these games! It’s just important to remember that your BioShock Infinite won’t be available on your $400 Wii U. Why buy a console that doesn’t support your most coveted games?
Again, it's not unusual to have ports for the launch of a next-gen console. And you haven't really gone into any depth for how the Wii U will "most likely disengage the serious player". And so what if Bioshock Infinite isn't coming to Wii U? Is ZombiU coming to other consoles? What about Rayman Legends? And Bayonetta 2? And, dumbass, the Wii U ain't $400 dollars. You're just trying to make the lack of games and the price look as high as possible to dissuade consumers from buying a Wii U.
The Wii U is too expensive for what it offers. An 8GB Wii U console begins at $299.99 while the 32GB begins at $349.99. I just went to Best Buy’s website and found a Xbox 360 250GB model complete with a headset, two games (including Skyrim), a controller, and a 50% off three month Xbox Live Card for $249.99 on sale (originally $299.99). A PS3 320GB with a Madden game and controller? $299.99. Want to preorder the Wii U 8GB basic console set with no game? $299.99. A 32GB Wii U with a game that doesn’t offer online multiplayer? $349.99. I mean, come on. I don’t even know what to do with this information other than stare at it with my mouth open.
May I remind you that the highest launch price for the PS3 was $600, and the 360 at $480? In addition, this is an advanced, more-powerful piece of tech whose highest launch price is cheaper than the last-gen consoles. And considering the amount of time these consoles have been on the market AND that their successors are expected to be announced next year, wouldn't it be normal to have prices as low as they are? Bear in mind that come Sunday, these will actually be last-gen consoles. If you're dissatisfied about the Wii U's price, then imagine how much the PS4 and 720 will cost. Especially if Sony go the same route they did with the PS3, which they stated they wouldn't. And did Wii Sports come with online mulitiplayer? No. So why are you complaining about NintendoLand not having it?
The Wii U Gamepad, the Mii people, the games available, the look and feel of the Wii U all scream “this is not to be taken seriously.” The Wii came off as adolescent and intended for very young or casual players. If I were to compare, head-to-head, the Xbox 360 and the Wii U I would have two distinct descriptions for each console: the 360 is for when I want to be an adult and decimate competitors. The Wii U is when I want to doodle some flowers and get some virtual yoga instruction. These descriptions are products of the designs and functions of each console.
This is the real icing on the cake. The launch window line-up is the 2nd biggest in history, behind the PS2, I think. So if you're dissatisfied with the games that are coming out for it, then you were dissatisfied with most console launch windows, which I doubt. Please explain what it is about the Wii U that shouldn't be taken seriously? You say the Wii came off as adolescent and intended for young or casual players. Then why did Nintendo make games such as Punch Out! or DKCR? Maybe it's because THEY ALSO HAD THEIR LONG-TIME FANS IN MIND? Naww, that can't be it. And tell me this: How many exclusives is the 360 known for? Halo, Fable, Forza, Gears of War? The system basically survived on 3rd-party content, which the Wii U has the backing of. Oh, and what about SmartGlass? Doesn't it have most of the functions the Wii U has (surprise, surprise)? You're being disrespectful to the company that makes the best 1st-party games, and that saved gaming during the Video Game Crash.
The overarching problem with the Wii U is there is no compelling reason to spend money on it. It doesn’t offer anything so innovative or desirable that you would abandon Microsoft or Sony and the games you love to play. The Wii U will follow in the small footsteps of its predecessor and continue to cater to casual gamers and your grandparents who you foolishly bought a Wii for two Christmases ago. Although the Wii U may sell well among this demographic, Nintendo will further fade away in comparison to Microsoft and Sony and the Wii U will continue to tarnish their reputation with the hardcore gaming crowd.
*sigh* Ok, this point was so fucking stupid that I almost didn't even bother rebutting it. HOW is it not innovative? Nintendo are catering to not just the "casual gamers", but to also the dedicated gamers. What's so foolish about buying a Wii? Nintendo has not started to "fade away" in comparison to Sony and Microsoft, nor will they ever. The Wii U also pretty much has what the PS3 and 360 can offer and more. Why wouldn't the "hardcore gaming crowd" want to buy a Wii U?
Your ignorance and lack of gaming knowledge clearly comes to light in this article, which is no doubt written to deter anybody from buying the console when it first launches this week. Tell me - which company paid you to write this garbage? It's a shame - you're clearly just a pretty face hired to attract hits and I suggest you look at first-hand accounts of people's experiences with Wii U, compare it's launch to previous launches and actually use facts to analyse and project what's coming down the pipeline for Nintendo.
/rant
So, agree with what I've said? Disagree with what I've said? Please do take the time to comment below - your opinions are greatly appreciated ^.^ also, if you're into Shonen Jump manga, check out my other blog, Weekly Jump Rankings, which should be listed under the "Blogs I Like" widget.
